Wesley turned 6 months old November 1st but he’s still sleeping and behaving like a 3 month old and in the process, I am aging in dog years. I am a 38 year old woman who opts for the early bird special and can barely stay up past 8:30pm to watch one of my stories on TV. It’s alarming and if I don’t recover from this, I’m making it my mission in life to make sure that friends don’t let friends get pregnant. Don’t even get me started on those moms who tell me to (cue that high-pitched condescending voice you make when you’re quoting someone who said something horribly cliche and obnoxious to you) “you should enjoy him and cuddle and rock him as much as you can now because soon he won’t want anything to do with you.” Are you kidding? Are you insane? I can’t wait for that moment because then that feeling will be
M U T U A L!
Sure, when Wesley has woken up for the sixth time in the middle of the night and I have to peel myself out of bed again, about 20% of me thinks that he’s so cute and he needs me and just wants to be snuggled and to feel secure in my arms. And I get it…I do, and I feel all warm and fucking fuzzy inside and I pick him up and kiss his soft sweet little cheeks and blissfully rock him until he settles. Then, 30 minutes later when I’m back up again crib side the other 80% kicks in and I just wanna die a fast death….maybe a bullet through the head. All i’m thinking about is where the nearest fire hall is and I just wanna fall back into my delicious bed covers and pick back up on that awesome dream I was having where I’m the only woman stranded on an island with nothing but a bunch of male underwear models genetically modified for sterility.
Yea so i’m up at least 4-5 times a night to either feed, rock or just stick the paci back in. Fine. I’ve accepted this fate (with the exception of this rant). We actually did sleep train him a few weeks back over a weekend and he did incredibly well and for almost a week, he was soothing himself back to sleep at night. It was a magical moment in my sad little life. I thought I had cracked that little monsters code but at last, I must have bragged or jinxed myself somehow because he recently slipped back to his old night time tricks and totally blew up my spot. He’s somehow almost worse than ever now! Not only does he have a consistent wake-up call around 5-5:30am, he also craps his pants in an epic manner every morning in his crib right as he wakes up. I can hear the explosion from my bed and I know the moment it happens. I swear he does this on purpose. He wants the task of shoveling shit to be the first thing I have to do when I wake up in the morning. This happens EVERY DAY without fail. My husband thinks I’m crazy when I tell him that Wes knows exactly what he’s doing to me. These little babies are smarter than we think people. Just as I’m wiping his tiny little ass, he gives me this superior look as if he’s saying…”you might be my overlord lady, but I’ve got you slinging shit at 5:30 am you stupid fool”! AND…whenever he wines and fusses and cries incessantly for no apparent reason during the day even though he’s been fed and changed and napped….and I finally run to his side exasperated, he snidely smirks and quickly darts his eyes away from me and I know he’s thinking “you silly cow, I got you again muahahahahaha!”
I’m telling you. THEY KNOW.
Right this moment, you’re thinking about how heartless I am and what a terrible mother I must be. I can see why you think that. I’m a pretty damn good mom though. In fact, if you read some of my earlier posts on this blog, at times, I even get a little Martha Stuart on your ass. I offer kid friendly recipes. I review toys and I am all PG happy happy joy joy. But I realized I could no longer ignore my inner monologue. I’m not that person. My kids are paramount to me….the loves of my life but god dammit being a mother is the most frustrating and exhausting job on the planet. I’ll say it, I officially cannot wait to go back to work when my first son starts pre-school next year. To those mothers who went back to work after leave, I honestly don’t know how you managed a full work day after being up all night and faced with this kind of exhaustion. I’m sure they are cute as hell to come home to though.
Here are a few more photos of Wes. My shoots have become painfully abbreviated these days. If I even find the time and energy it’s a miracle. I really hope to get back out there and to pick up with my photography services soon. I’ll be posting some more artsy fartsy type photography I shot in the past on this blog shortly that I hope you can enjoy in the meantime.
So That’s it for now. I’m pretty sure I’ve got a diaper to change.