Wesley is Six Months and I’ve Aged Six Years

Wesley turned 6 months old November 1st but he’s still sleeping and behaving like a 3 month old and in the process, I am aging in dog years. I am a 38 year old woman who opts for the early bird special and can barely stay up past 8:30pm to watch one of my stories on TV.  It’s alarming and if I don’t recover from this, I’m making it my mission in life to make sure that friends don’t let friends get pregnant. Don’t even get me started on those moms who tell me to (cue that high-pitched condescending voice you make when you’re quoting someone who said something horribly cliche and obnoxious to you) “you should enjoy him and cuddle and rock him as much as you can now because soon he won’t want anything to do with you.” Are you kidding? Are you insane? I can’t wait for that moment because then that feeling will be

  M U T U A L!

Sure, when Wesley has woken up for the sixth time in the middle of the night and I have to peel myself out of bed again, about 20% of me thinks that he’s so cute and he needs me and just wants to be snuggled and to feel secure in my arms.  And I get it…I do, and I feel all warm and fucking fuzzy inside and I pick him up and kiss his soft sweet little cheeks and blissfully rock him until he settles. Then, 30 minutes later when I’m back up again crib side the other 80% kicks in and I just wanna die a fast death….maybe a bullet through the head.  All i’m thinking about is where the nearest fire hall is and I just wanna fall back into my delicious bed covers and pick back up on that awesome dream I was having where I’m the only woman stranded on an island with nothing but a bunch of male underwear models genetically modified for sterility.
Yea so i’m up at least 4-5 times a night to either feed, rock or just stick the paci back in.  Fine.  I’ve accepted this fate (with the exception of this rant). We actually did sleep train him a few weeks back over a weekend and he did incredibly well and for almost a week, he was soothing himself back to sleep at night. It was a magical moment in my sad little life.  I thought I had cracked that little monsters code but at last, I must have bragged or jinxed myself somehow because he recently slipped back to his old night time tricks and totally blew up my spot.  He’s somehow almost worse than ever now! Not only does he have a consistent wake-up call around 5-5:30am, he also craps his pants in an epic manner every morning  in his crib right as he wakes up.  I can hear the explosion from my bed and I know the moment it happens.  I swear he does this on purpose.  He wants the task of shoveling shit to be the first thing I have to do when I wake up in the morning.  This happens EVERY DAY without fail. My husband thinks I’m crazy when I tell him that Wes knows exactly what he’s doing to me.  These little babies are smarter than we think people.  Just as I’m wiping his tiny little ass, he gives me this superior look as if he’s saying…”you might be my overlord lady, but I’ve got you slinging shit at 5:30 am you stupid fool”!  AND…whenever he wines and fusses and cries incessantly for no apparent reason during the day even though he’s been fed and changed and napped….and I finally run to his side exasperated, he snidely smirks and quickly darts his eyes away from me and I know he’s thinking “you silly cow, I got you again muahahahahaha!”
I’m telling you.  THEY KNOW.

Right this moment, you’re thinking about how heartless I am and what a terrible mother I must be. I can see why you think that.  I’m a pretty damn good mom though.  In fact, if you read some of my earlier posts on this blog, at times, I even get a little Martha Stuart on your ass.  I offer kid friendly recipes. I review toys and I am all PG happy happy joy joy.  But I realized I could no longer ignore my inner monologue. I’m not that person.  My kids are paramount to me….the loves of my life but god dammit being a mother is the most frustrating and exhausting job on the planet. I’ll say it, I officially cannot wait to go back to work when my first son starts pre-school next year. To those mothers who went back to work after leave, I honestly don’t know how you managed a full work day after being up all night and faced with this kind of exhaustion. I’m sure they are cute as hell to come home to though.

Here are a few more photos of Wes.  My shoots have become painfully abbreviated these days.  If I even find the time and energy it’s a miracle.  I really hope to get back out there and to pick up with my photography services soon.  I’ll be posting some more artsy fartsy type photography I shot in the past on this blog shortly that I hope you can enjoy in the meantime.
 So That’s it for now.  I’m pretty sure I’ve got a diaper to change.

I’m not dead I just had another kid….and he’s giving me the bird.

Well same to you buddy!

It’s been one long insane minute since my last post on here.  I had another baby about 4 months ago (a second boy – Wesley) and my life proceeded to the dark side from there.  It’s been a blur of diapers, bottles, suicidal thoughts and visions of a life that once was. I’m just now beginning to emerge from the fog…barely.  My first kid, Owen was an incredibly easy baby.  I remember hearing or reading stories of moms complaining about how hard it is the first 3 months and then thinking to myself – I don’t get it.   Owen only cried for a reason and slept like a rockstar. There were a few bad days/nights but nothing compared to this last 3 months. Now I get it….this is what it’s REALLY like to have a newborn baby.  This little dictator I birthed cries because he likes to and will basically not leave me the F alone. He’s obsessed with me. The moment my eyes leave contact with his, he cries instantly and I can’t get him on a schedule to save my life.  He’s the complete opposite from his brother physically and emotionally. Lighter features, blue eyes (possible ginger…what?!) – cute as a button but don’t be fooled, he’s a terrorist disguised in a tiny little baby suit. I won’t get into specifics but let’s just say I went back on birth control faster than the GOP tries to shut down Planned Parenthood.  The baby factory is closed for business.  I never want to experience this again. I’m seriously THIS close to ripping out my own uterus to make sure I absolutely NEVER get preggo again. All this compounded by the fact that we had to move 3 weeks after giving birth….um from Brooklyn to New Jersey!  That first month after birth, I was lost in a haze of packing, feeding, diapering, pumping and generally losing my mother effing mind. It should be adopted as a form of torture.  Oh, you did a bad thing? Here – birth a devil child, pack your ass up and 3 others to move to a different state, take care of two kids in diapers (one devil child and one in his terrible two’s), pump your tittays 8 times a day all while your torn coo-ca protests it’s demise and heals ever-so-slowly.  I honestly feel like I survived a war; and through it, have realized that I’m really not cut out for this the way I thought I was.  Turns out I like being left alone.  Those with 3’s and 4’s – I ask you…. how?? Why??  You people deserve a medal or something…or a life time prescription of Xanax.  I don’t recommend any of this to anyone.  But I made it this long.  They all say 3 months….3 months is when it gets better but my kid hasn’t caught on to this notion.  We’re quickly approaching month 4 with Wes and he’s still a gassy, twitchy, unbearably needy mess. We’ve had some relief here and there but devil child seems to be the default setting with him.  Props to my hubz for sticking this all out with me. Did I mention, he got an insane promotion and transitioned to a new position a month after Wes came…shortly after we moved…. with a shit ton more responsibility and still held it all together??  I’m not sure we’ve muttered a full coherent sentence to one another this entire time but we also didn’t kill each other…..so that’s something right?  I know I know, I keep asking myself too – why do people do this to themselves? Why do we  keep having kids?? To be honest, I was tricked into having a second child because my first was such a breeze.  And this is what I get….payback.  I guess when I’m old and cranky and have no friends left my kids will be forced to hang out with me at least right?

 I do love those little critters though…honestly, I do.  Right before I want to throw myself out my third story window, they smile or say something absurdly adorable and totally redeem themselves.  You might be thinking – oh poor poor you – you have two healthy kids, one of which just wants to be cuddled, coddled and adored constantly….or he will wretchedly screech and wail evil horrid sounds from his body.  Well, to you, I say – I pushed that little life sucker out of me myself so I’ve earned the right to bitch.

Yea so I’ve been a mess, I’ve barely taken any pictures.  I never did newborn pics of Wes….3 months went by and still never got around to it until finally last weekend.  It was do or die.
So here’s my little nug in all his glory. I was going for some kind of jungle theme I guess. This would have been much easier had he actually been a newborn.  Newborns are basically little gumbies.  Wherever you place them, however you bend their limbs, they just stay there and they let you dress them in completely ridiculous outfits with zero protest, because they were born yesterday. Wes was squirming, crying and not having any of the poses I originally wanted. These pics just look kind of ridiculous too because he’s basically a teenager but this is my life now.  Late to everything now because I have kids.  Now I’m off to make a vision board of things I want to come true.  Beach laziness, adult cocktails with no kids in sight, 3 hrs of uninterrupted sleep and peeing alone.
                                             Wesley Ryan McEvoy – Born June 1st, 2015

Owen is 18 months!

March 1st marked 18 whole months for our little bug and every day is an adventure with him. He makes us laugh and stare in wonderment at his budding personality. Here’s a few recent pics of OHM.

Bathtime Shots

No…..not those kind of shots, although the thought is somewhat appealing. These are the G rated kind of bathtime shots. Here are just a few pics I took of my offspring during bathtime. I love catching the array of faces he makes in my photography.

Owen’s First Snow

Adventures in Self Portraiture

So I wanted to attempt to take a professional self portrait for the website….not a selfie with my iphone. I wanted to experiment using classic portrait lighting techniques but with natural window lighting. This is totally a thing, but I didn’t realize how faaaareeeeking difficult it would be to achieve when you aren’t in a controlled lighting scenario – such as a studio and when you probably don’t have the right equipment to snap your own portrait. I almost gave up.

I wanted to try and achieve the Rembrandt lighting technique. This is when the subject is slightly turned away from the light source (in this case, my window) creating a moody shadow pattern on the face. It’s most known for the small triangle it creates just below the eye on side of the face farthest from the camera. While I don’t think I nailed this one, I still think I achieved the ‘mood’ I was going for. My window lighting kept changing on me and working with my camera timer kept causing my face to become out of focus. I’ll be trying this one with studio lighting in the future to see if I can get better results.

IMG_2833 (4)

Canon EOS 50mm AV 5.0 1/4 ISO 1600

Patel Family Session

I had the pleasure of snapping a few pics of the Patel family recently. Compared to other shoots, they were a breeze….because there were no kids! They have a dog….adorable Lincoln but he was well behaved. We shot up on the highline in the meatpacking district. It was wicked windy that day, but sunny and we managed to beat the crowds for a few great shots. We finished at a small park and I got some cute photos of them playing with Lincoln. They ended up using the photos for their holiday card with a surprise announcement of a baby Patel arriving this June!! So excited for them! Congrats again and hopefully I’ll be lucky enough to snap some shots of adorable baby Patel in the future.
Here are a few shots from the day.

O’Connell Family Session

My session with the O’Connell’s was great!  We shot at their lovely new home in Hasbrouck Heights, NJ where they have a beautiful backyard.  We opted to focus primarily on the kids – of which they have two boys – Malcolm and Will.  They have amazing lazer-like blue eyes that just never end. It was a beautiful fall day perfect for taking pictures.  We managed to hit up a cute little playground not far from their home and stopped at a local bakery in which I snapped a few really interesting shots of Malcolm in all his sugar-crazed glory. Hasbrouck Heights is such a charming little town and I had a lot of fun with this session.  Here a few shots from my visit.